A Chemical Reaction

Digging through my old tuck box today, I came across something that took me back to the Spring of 1985 - a comedy sketch script I had written for a revue.

In my final year at UCL I was elected to be the Revue Secretary for the oldest and continuously running society in the college, The ChemPhys Soc (Chemical and Physical Society). My task was to put on a comical/musical revue following the annual VIP lecture and dinner - probably to lighten the mood and take the diners mind of the refectory produced dinner they would be struggling to digest.

I was offered so much help as encouragement to stand for the position. Much of it never materialised. I ended up doing most of the script writing, costume design, prop buying, producing, directing and generally cajoling anyone with half an ounce of talent (and in some cases a lot less) to help put on what I was increasingly convinced would be a completely humiliating disaster and ruin any hopes I had of getting a half decent degree result!

The dress rehearsal confirmed my absolute worst fears. It was an unmitigated 2 1/2 hour disaster of gigantic proportions. I had completely overlooked one important and yet highly crucial factor....alcohol!!! Thank goodness for copious amounts of wine consumed by my actors during the dinner (they were all as nervous as hell following the dress rehearsal nightmare). It loosened everyone up when it mattered and surprisingly their timing was absolutely perfect and more importantly people cheered, laughed and clapped over and over again. From complete catastrophe to sparkling success thanks to several dozen bottles of cheap and dubious red wine sourced by the lab technicians! The evening turned out to be a highlight of my days at college.

What I discovered in my tuck box today was one of the scripts from that night 23 years ago. It was the script I was most proud of but during the performance I was very concerned at the lack of reaction from the 200+ audience - hardly any laughter, just rapt silence in the main. My confusion was heightened as when the lights faded at the end of the sketch there was thunderous applause and cheers erupting from what I thought was comatosed audience! At the end of the evening when I was on an enormous high I was approached by one of the professors who looked very serious and a little intimidating almost demanding to know who had written the 'Bar Room' sketch. I sheepishly told him it was me and I expressed concern that no-one seemed to laugh during the sketch but gave it a fantastic reception when it was over. He said he thought it was one of the cleverest sketches he had ever seen at a ChemPhys Soc Revue and that people were afraid to laugh fearing they would miss the next joke. Compliment indeed! I hope readers of this blog forgive me for sounding more than a bit immodest about this memorable night for me.

So, after 23 years sitting at the bottom of my old tuck box, I reproduce the sketch for you to absorb and enjoy (for the scientifically challenged, I have italicised the scientists names, elements and technical expressions...):

Scene: Beryllium is behind the bar polishing glasses when Joules walks in

Beryllium: Homo Joules

Joules: Gibbs-Duhem Beryllium

B: Like a mother liquor?

J: No, I'll have a bromine water

B: I hear you and Calorie had split

J: Urea has heard right. I've dissociated from her and am now a free radical

B: Well, Dewar a lone pair

J: Hess, she was borane. I should have node that when I first Clapeyron her! Has Kelvin been in?

B: Is he the Quantum Mechanic? I always thought he was a bit of a Berkelium.

J: At times, but I can barium

B: Is he still coupled to Selenium? She always seems to be in an excited state.

J: Hess, so excited that she spends a lot of time on the laevoratory - it's affecting her optical activity

B: Gas?

J: Hess, Jahn-Teller distortions as well

B: That's complex, is there a curium?

J: Decrease in partial pressure is the answer

B: Something like an NMR??

(In walks Pauli looking dejected)

J: Hello Pauli. You're looking degenerate

Pauli: I've just been excluded and that's against my principles

B: Like a distilled water?

P: No, Pinacolone thanks

B: (gets drink) Did Crystal exclude you? I Pasteur in the street and she had a big Grignard on her face

J: So those Dumas we heard are true?

P: Hess, that Friedal-Crafts attracted her with his cathode - just wait 'til I Caesium, interferon with my Crystal. He'll be in Le Chatelier by the time I've Palladium

J: Sound like you have reached an explosion limit

B: Hess, I've never seen you so lipid. i think you should go chrome

J: She'll want you Beckmann, let's go before you get Debye-Huckled

P: Alright, amine I'm more virial than Friedal-Crafts, why should I sublime to him?

Lights fade.....

It is documented now and will probably remain unread for another 23 years and more. Oh well, it brought back happy memories for me!

Flying high

The exhiliration of my first 'flying' dream in absolutely ages is still vividly with me hours after waking up. I was flying like superman, soaring, diving, hovering and even standing on a ceiling at one point. It was good to feel in total control and so liberating. I have searched dream interpretations for flying and all of them are very positive and probably indicates my life is going well at the moment.

Perhaps I have finally realised and accepted my 'freedom' from previous ties and that I should get on with life and soar to new heights.

Up, up and away!!!!!!

Vendors not confident?

Well, the property market continues to surprise. The sellers of Rose Cottage have asked the estate agent to remove the 'Sale Agreed' tag on the property details. Hmmm... perhaps it indicates a lack of confidence with the buyer they have gone with. The estate agent claims that the sellers are keeping their options open because of the way the first sale fell through after many wasted months trying to exchange contracts.

Perhaps there is still hope for me.... my first offer still stands and the estate agent knows where to find me! I know, I know, I should not get my hopes up...but there is no harm in dreaming.

You win some, you lose some

I guess it was not to be (well not for the moment) on Rose Cottage renovations. I had put in the lowest offer out of four and of course the vendors accepted the highest one (probably the one that will cause them the most grief in terms of solictior angst). Good luck to them I say and the Estate Agent has my number to call me in 2 weeks when the higher offer goes pear-shape (hopefully).

I have learned from the experience though and perhaps I have the eye for property development - I know already that I have a good eye for curtains!

If you see any run down cottages out there...you know who to call!

Seller Pressure

Yikes! I was driving to London yesterday afternoon and the estate agent, Kier, called me to say there was a serious offer on the table for the cottage! He claims the buyers are really anxious to sell and I think Kier is as well. There have been tremendous number of viewings in the last 5 days and the majority of the passers-thru are bedazzled by the asking price and the renovation bug created by the multitude of TV property shows.

There are so many unresolved issues with the place that makes it very difficult for me to really know what the place is worth. So, I sat in the car at Corley Park Services on the M6 and made an executive decision...put in an offer at nearly half of the asking price! There is no planning permission, a restrictive covenant, a leaking roof, no kitchen, no bathroom and a ton of other work to do! I figured the best way to value it is as a building site and not as a habitable property. Now it is a case of waiting for the vendors to respond....

To buy or not to buy

A week ago I would not have imagined I might be seriously considering putting an offer on a wreck of cottage to create a 'Grand Design'...but here I am close to putting in an offer! In the last 7 days I have garnered knowledge on planning regulations, conservation officers, septic tanks and builders but it is not making my decision any easier to make right now. I think I should just put an offer in and take it from there...up to the point of exchange of contracts, I can always pull out and try not to feel bad about it.